


In Vino...

by americanphancakes



Series: In Vino Veritas [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Confessions, Dubious Consent, M/M, mentions of sex but no smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 01:23:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14966072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americanphancakes/pseuds/americanphancakes
Summary: Dan’s only brave enough when he’s drunk.(Dan POV version of "Veritas")





	In Vino...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PhilTrashNo164](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhilTrashNo164/gifts).



> This was suggested in the comments of "Veritas" by PhilTrashNo164! :D It turned out to be a really fun & interesting characterization exercise, looking at the different ways D&P interpret the same situations. 
> 
> You don’t need to read “Veritas” to get this, but you might have fun examining both!
> 
> [Share this story on tumblr](https://americanphancakes.tumblr.com/post/175015539828/new-one-shot-kinda-in-vino)

Dan stared at Phil through half-lidded eyes. Phil, no doubt, thought he was just getting tired after consuming so much alcohol. Dan knew he should probably be self-conscious about the vodka on his breath, but Phil’s lips were  _ right there _ , and he was unable to stop himself from leaning in.

“Is this okay?” Dan whispered. Phil, stunned and no doubt at least a little tipsy himself, just nodded. So Dan kissed him.

Phil seemed standoffish the whole rest of the night, so the next day Dan didn’t mention it. If Phil even remembered the kiss -- Dan had no idea how drunk he was or wasn’t -- he clearly hadn’t liked it, if the distance he seemed to keep afterwards was any indication.

So Dan went through the day as normal, complaining about everything he’d normally complain about and smiling at everything he’d normally smile at. He watched anime like normal, looked at tumblr like normal, and waited. But Phil never said a thing.

_ Probably for the best, _ Dan figured.  _ Just pretend it never happened, leave it in the past. It was a mistake, plain and simple. _

 

***

 

The next time Dan and Phil drank together, they were out with friends at a casual restaurant. Dan sat next to Phil as usual, and once he was a few drinks in, he saw the potential of the table and the cover it provided. The drunk and sober halves of Dan’s brain proceeded to duke it out.  _ You can’t just feel him up under the table, Dan. Why not? Because for one thing his jeans are too thick for it to do any good for him. And for another, indecency much? But I really wanna touch him. Okay fine but just his leg. Just his leg? Yes and don’t you dare move your hand up to his crotch or I swear to god. _

Dan leaned in close. “Can I put my hand on your lap?” he whispered, giving Phil the sweetest flirtiest eyes he could. Phil just looked at him for a moment, once again stunned.  _ Oh god he thinks I’m a weirdo fucking perv I have royally fucked this up, _ Dan thought.

But then Phil nodded. Dan gave a relieved smile before sliding his hand up onto Phil’s upper leg.  _ Maybe Phil doesn’t completely not want me. _

It was quite a lot of effort for Dan to not move his hand up.

Eventually, though, Dan’s hand slipped off because he was literally too drunk to hold it there any longer. Dan figured Phil must have paid for them both because the next thing he knew, the only thing stopping him from falling onto the pavement outside was Phil’s body. He couldn’t get the “I’d be nothing without this guy” thought out of his head, and his drunken mouth slurred some off-key song lyrics. “No good without you, better by your side…” he sang, humming for a moment while he tried to remember the words. “I've been such a mess, need a one-way ticket... anywhere you are is where I want to go… you are my address…hmm hmm hmm… need a one-way ticket home...”

By the time they got home, Dan was laughing at himself.  _ What a pathetic mess. Even drunk you’re not brave enough to tell him you love him, are you? _

Dan’s back met the plush comfort of his bed, and he couldn’t stop giggling. “You’re my hero, Pill-- Philly,” he said through the laughter. Phil smiled down at him, looking rather amused.

“I’m no hero. I’m just Phil.”

“Yeah but I love Phil so I love  _ you. _ ”  _ Oh fuck yeah, get it! You said it! Didn’t make much sense, but you said it! _

Phil sat on the edge of the bed next to him. “You’re also completely drunk.”

Dan nodded. “Which is ‘zackly how you know ’m bein’ honest.” Unable to resist Phil’s cuteness, Dan lifted his abnormally heavy arm and poked Phil’s nose. “Boop!” 

When that made Phil smile a bit, Dan let himself burst into giggles again. The giggles faded when Phil brushed Dan’s hair off his forehead. Dan could feel the sweat there, and was suddenly worried he looked like a complete mess. But he felt cared for right then, and couldn’t take his eyes off Phil’s.

“I’m gonna get you some water, okay?” Phil said, starting to stand up.

Dan gasped and grabbed for Phil’s hand. “Not yet,” he said, interlocking their fingers and pulling Phil back just enough to stop him from getting up. “I wann’ look at you. You’re just so beautiful, Phil.”

“You’re drunk.”

_ Yes, Phil, _ Dan thought.  _ I know I’m drunk. I can feel it and besides you’ve pointed this out already. _ He frowned. “You’re still beautiful.”

Phil tilted his head as though studying Dan. It made him feel like a creature in a zoo for a moment. “You probably won’t even remember this in the morning,” Phil said.

“You dunno that, mister,” Dan said, knowing he wasn’t blackout drunk. Or at least thinking he probably wasn’t. “Maybe I’ll ‘member this f’rever.”  _ And I’ll be doomed to be the only one of us who does. _

“I doubt it,” Phil said with a confidently disbelieving grin. “But you  _ will _ remember the hangover you’ll have tomorrow morning if I don’t get you some water.” When Phil patted Dan’s hand twice, Dan let go. Phil was right, he needed to hydrate. Dan reached his arms out and grabbed at the air in front of him, mostly playfully.

“Eh! Eeeh! Noooo Philly come back.”

Phil smiled. “I’ll be right back, hang on!”

Dan smiled calmly as he watched Phil go. He closed his eyes for what felt like just a moment.

When he awoke -- once the blinding white light of the sun appeared to fade enough for him to see -- it was to the sight of water and paracetamol on the bedside table, and a splitting headache.

And he remembered everything.

He took the headache medicine, had a shower, and ate some cereal for breakfast. Aside from Phil asking about Dan’s hangover, there was no indication he had any idea of the events of the previous night. What did Phil remember? Was he happy to hear any of it? Was he bothered by it? Dan had absolutely nothing to go on because Phil wasn’t saying a thing.

 

***

 

After months of drunken confessions, cheek kisses, shoulder rubs, and snuggles, Dan was starting to get impatient with his own cowardice. Phil was drinking too, but Dan was never smart enough to pay attention to how much, so he let himself believe Phil was simply forgetting these exchanges of affection. And they  _ had _ started to become exchanges, albeit massively imbalanced ones.

One night Dan was gazing into Phil’s impossibly blue eyes with their stripes and spots of other colors and couldn’t help but lament the plainness of his brown ones. “Your eyes are so pretty, Phil,” he said. “Why are your eyes so pretty? ‘S not fair! I want pretty eyes.”

“But you  _ have _ pretty eyes!” Phil gushed. Dan paused a moment and let his soul bathe in the sound of it. It was like Phil really adored his eyes or something.

That wasn’t a safe thought to have, though, so Dan’s insecurity shattered it. “Psh,” he said. “Brown. Mud. Boo. I don’t like ‘em.”

“They’re like chocolate! Who doesn’t like chocolate?”

“Some people don’t, Phil.”

“ _ You _ like chocolate.”

“So? All that matters is if  _ you _ do,” Dan said, punctuating the “you” with a physical poke at Phil’s heart. He lowered his voice slightly. “Do you like chocolate, Phil?”

“You already know I do,” Phil laughed.

Dan leaned towards Phil, deliberately putting a mischievous look in his eye because with a flirty face his next question would be hilarious. “But…” he asked, his tone very serious. “Would you lick an eyeball, Phil?”

“What!?” Phil burst into laughter and covered the bottom half of his face, his eyes squinting adorably. “No!”

Dan let his voice return to its normal, loud volume. “Then it doesn’t matter if you like chocolate, Phil, now duzzit?” he laughed.

“You are saying my name an awful lot.”

“I like saying your name,” Dan said. He continued with a singsong voice, enjoying the sound of Phil’s name on his lips and teeth and tongue. “Phil Philly Philip Phil Phil Phiiiiiillll…”

“You are completely pissed right now, aren’t you?”

“Yup,” Dan said. He threw back a sizable gulp of his drink. It kind of hurt to drink that much in one go, but he did his best not to show it. “‘S great!”

“Why’s it great?”

“Cuz it makes me brave.”

“You’re brave a lot of the time.”

“Nope,” Dan replied, shaking his head. “Not brave enough.”

“For what?”

_ To tell you I love you. To tell you how important you are to me. To tell you I wish you wanted me back. To tell you I want to tell you any of this. _

“I… am… not brave enough to tell you that.” Dan tried to cover up his nervousness by laughing and avoiding eye contact, but eye contact was still made, however briefly. Dan was pretty sure he was doomed and Phil could see right through him.

Which is probably why all Dan needed was to finish the drink he was currently on. Then he was able to say it.

He didn’t psych himself up for it. He didn’t take a breath, he just let it pour out of his mouth like water. “I love you, Phil.” He hadn’t been looking at Phil when he said it, so he looked at him then.

Phil looked back and gave a pitiful smile. “You’re drunk.”

_ Ugh, this AGAIN?  _ Dan thought. “So’re you,” he said pointedly. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll still love you when I’m sober. I always do. I love you all the time.”

“Stop it, Dan,” Phil said, taking a drink. Dan felt his heart smash into a thousand pieces.  _ Maybe he really doesn’t want me. _

The evening continued in this manner, with Dan flirting and Phil rebuffing or ignoring every advance. Dan only had one more drink though, and in that time Phil had two or three. Eventually they were sitting at about the same level of inebriation.

“You’re beautiful,” Drunk Dan said to Drunk Phil.

“No, you are.” When Phil smiled at Dan, saying this, it seemed loving. But Dan was afraid of believing there was anything more to it than drunken friendliness, reciprocation out of pity perhaps.

Dan opted to keep the tone playful. “No… no you are,” he laughed, poking Phil and pushing him back slightly. When Phil leaned back forward again, he didn’t stop once he was upright; instead, he startled Dan by continuing forward and ultimately resting his head on Dan’s chest.

“Mmmeh…” Phil whined. “I’m drunk! Why’s it still so hard!?”

“What is?” Dan asked. “I mean... Besides my--”

Dan was suddenly interrupted by a loud “Ssshhh!” and Phil’s hand covering his mouth. Phil looked back up at Dan’s grumpy face and continued. “Don’t talk about your cock, it’s... bad luck or something!”

Dan proceeded to use his tongue to slobber as much as possible on Phil’s hand.

“Ew!” Phil said, tearing his hand away and laughing. “What the hell, Dan!?”

Dan ignored Phil’s request for an explanation and merely kept the conversation going. “The fuck do you mean ‘bad luck’? I have the luckiest penis on earth.”

“Lies, you do not.”

“Sure I do!” Dan quickly assessed exactly how brave he was before finishing the thought. “It doesn’t get to fuck you, but it’s at least thinking about it whenever I wank. It’s fucking  _ privileged. _ ”

This reveal resulted in Phil making a face very similar to the night Dan had kissed him. He looked frozen and possibly put off. “Wow,” Phil said. “Um. Does it want to fuck me?”

With a sigh, Dan gave in to his desire to finally just fucking tell Phil the truth. “Yeah…” he said, feeling his cheeks heat up, but not looking away from Phil.

“Aww, but we’re too drunk to do anything right  _ now _ !” Phil whined. “Consent has become dub… doo… uh… hazy.”

Relief. Joy. Amusement. Excitement. Hope. You name a positive emotion, and Dan was feeling it right then. Admittedly, there was some apprehension that Phil was using “dubious consent” as an excuse to put off any possible sexual encounter to  _ never _ , but the fact that Phil was whining about the inconvenient timing made Dan actually laugh he was so happy.

“Well then maybe tomorrow,” Dan replied, turning his head off to the side, facing forward instead of looking at Phil. As though “tomorrow” were out there somewhere and not in Phil’s eyes.  _ As if. _ “Tomorrow we should. Just two bros... experimenting…” He paused for a second before adding one last thought. He wasn’t drunk enough to say this by accident, but he was drunk enough to put the thought out there. “...Because they’re in love!” he giggled. Half his brain thought this “they’re in love” theory was ridiculous, and the other half thought it was the most obvious thing ever.

Phil didn’t seem to immediately catch what Dan had said. “If we even remember this conversation tomorrow!” he said happily. Suddenly he quieted and knitted his brow. “Oh my god wait. Wait. Are we?”

Dan looked at him. “Are we what?”

“In love.”

Dan glanced left and right. He momentarily felt like he’d been on a stage and the theatre director hadn’t said “cut” yet, so his drunk self wasn’t  _ entirely _ sure what was real and what was scripted. “...Are we not?”

They looked at each other, smiles slowly pulling at their faces until they broke into drunk-happy laughter. Then, suddenly, Phil’s lips were on his. Dan breathed in through his nose, his eyes wide with shock and delight. Eventually he relaxed into the kiss. Sweet and sticky with the cocktails they’d been drinking, their lips danced like old lovers rediscovering each other.

Phil pulled away, the stickiness quite noticeable as he did. He didn’t pull back too far, apparently waiting for an invitation to continue. But Dan didn’t move or say anything. He gazed at Phil’s eyes, blue rings around a shining black pool of obvious want. The world suddenly felt more real than real. Adrenaline was shocking him sober.  _ Fight, flight, or freeze?  _ his brain asked him.  _ Calm the fuck down _ , he answered.

He did is best to remember how to breathe.

“Was that…” Phil’s voice stammered out, bringing Dan back to the waking world. “Was that not…okay?”

Dan smiled ever so subtly. Actually, it may have been more of a smirk. “That was okay,” he said, keeping his voice low. “That was very okay.”

“Do, um… do you want me to do it again?”

Dan breathed in and let his eyes widen a bit as he prepared for Phil to land his lips on his again. “Yes, please,” he exhaled, probably sounding more desperate than he intended.

Phil dove into the kiss like a bird of prey swooping down from the night sky to catch something that looked absolutely delicious. Their mouths parted enough to let each other in, and they kissed like they were trying to commit each other’s flavors to long-term memory. Dan’s hair stood on end all over his body, his hands going wherever the bloody hell they wanted to.  _ There’s no way Phil’s drink was as delicious as his mouth is right now, _ he thought.

But then, to Dan’s dismay, Phil pulled back. “Fuck, wait--” he said, interrupting himself by kissing dan one or two more quick times. “Wait, Dan…” Dan interrupted him with one short kiss, unable to resis. “...Wait.” Phil finally stopped and looked at Dan.

“What?” Dan said apprehensively.

Phil shook his head, catching his breath. “I don’t wanna do this now.”

“‘Sokay,” Dan said with a pout. “We already decided we’re not gonna f--”

“But this is the best kiss of my life and what if I just forget it?” Phil looked so cute, Dan just wanted to wrap him up in his arms right now. “I don’t want to forget it.”

“We won’t forget it.”

“That’s a lie. You always do.”

Dan froze.  _ I always… no I don’t! Why does he think I forget? He’s the one who forgets, isn’t he? _ “Wait a second, you…”  _ Okay, assessing my understanding of the situation: we get drunk, he forgets and doesn’t say anything. Right? I’m confused. _ “...Huh?”

“You’re always so… you just seem to be so into me when you’re drunk, and then the next day, it’s like…” Phil gestured a *poof* with his hands and whispered the sound along with it. Dan smiled fondly. “It’s really weird!”

Dan relaxed. “Oh my god, you spork.” He admittedly felt sort of guilty about the misunderstanding, but mostly this was literally the cutest moment of his entire life. “Wanna know a secret?”

“Okay…?”

“I’ve never forgotten any of it,” Dan whispered in Phil’s ear. He drew back, smiling, waiting to see Phil’s reaction. He was hoping he wasn’t in  _ too _ much trouble, but opted to appear as confident as possible.

“Why did you never say anything?” Phil asked, sounding calm but looking like the wind had been knocked out of him.

Dan shrugged, then let himself look as anxious as he felt. “Because  _ you _ didn’t say anything,” he said. Suddenly very nervous, he fidgeted and just let all of his thoughts flood out of him in a deluge of awkwardness and fear. “I figured it was  _ you _ who didn’t remember, if I’m being honest. You didn’t say anything so I started to worry that maybe you’d been way more drunk than you looked like you were, and I just felt guilty, like I’d taken advantage or something. I always tried to be careful, ask you for permission and shit, but God, the next day it was just, like… maybe I fucked something up  _ really _ badly, you know? It was easier to just… not say anything, which now I think about it is  _ so _ shitty of me. But I needed to get these fucking stupid feelings out of my system, so I’d flirt and I’d ask if I could touch you or kiss your cheek and I’d tell you ‘I love you’ and... I just wasn’t brave enough unless we were drinking together, I guess, I… just...” Dan sighed and put his head in his hands, utterly humiliated by his behavior. “God I am so fucking sorry. I am the actual worst.”

“So… rewind a bit here,” Phil said. “You… you like me?”

“Fuck, mate,” Dan laughed, running his fingers down his face in the blind hope that they could erase the red in his cheeks. “It’s well past that!”

“You…” Phil nearly whispered, and Dan could practically see the gears turning behind his eyes. “You really, actually love me?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah.” He looked away from Phil, finding it hard to look him in the eye. “If it’s weird, I understand, it’s okay, we can just pretend this conversation never happened, just like the rest of it.” Dan looked down at his feet. “If I crossed lines, and oh my god I am so sure I crossed lines, I am  _ so sorry, _ I’ll never do any of that creepy shit again, it w--”

“No, Dan, I love you too.”

Dan felt like the wind had got knocked out of him. His head snapped toward Phil, as though pulled magnetically. He wasn’t totally sure if he audibly said “What?” but he tried to.

“I love you too!” Phil said excitedly.

Dan relaxed his shoulders and closed his eyes.  _ What the fuck _ , he thought.  _ All this misery and drama for no reason? Only my life is this tragically hilarious. _

“Are you fucking telling me,” Dan said, keeping his tone as measured as possible, “I’ve been doing all this drunk pining for a guy who  _ likes me back _ ?”

Phil nodded, and Dan looked at him. It was a boisterously happy nod that told Dan definitively that if Phil were a dog, his tail would be wagging furiously. “And I’ve been sober pining for the same thing!”

Dan tried very hard not to let his amusement show. “Only you could be so excited about this, Phil.”

“Only you could find the upsetting part of it and latch onto it. You’re like a sadness barnacle.”

Dan couldn’t deny that Phil was kind of right on that count, so he gave up and laughed. He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips, embarrassed but mostly still adjusting to this new definition of reality. “Fuck,” he grumbled. “I feel myself sobering up and I don’t like it.”

“Sobering up is good though!” Phil gave Dan’s side a suggestive elbow-nudge. “Consent won’t be so dubious anymore.” He then attempted to wink but ended up just drunkenly, unevenly blinking, which made Dan snicker.

Dan sighed a contented sigh. “Tomorrow will be interesting, won’t it?”

“Sure hope so,” Phil said. “I’ll do some googling for ideas just in case.”

“Jesus Christ, Phil.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> The song Dan is singing off-key is "One Way Ticket" by One OK Rock. Look them up, I think you'd like them. (I know, I don't know you or your music taste, but I think you'd like them. Because they're great. lol)
> 
> @americanphancakes on tumblr, come say hi! :)
> 
> [Share this story on tumblr](https://americanphancakes.tumblr.com/post/175015539828/new-one-shot-kinda-in-vino)


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